Hair deuce

Wow, thanks for all the hair advice. Really need some direction because today I am feeling like the cut, or rather the lack of me styling it correctly, looks a bit too matronly on me. The previous pictures were from right after it was done. Now off on my own with my trying my hand at ‘styling’ it, I am afraid I am falling rather short in the making it look good category. Regardless, getting it cut is a good thing. It is good to change, it is good to revel in doing something counter to the norm, it is a good learning experience. All the replies have given me plenty of direction to go in and things to try out. I appreciate the feedback.

I have to say, a little nerve racking too. I really dislike most nearly all photographs ever taken of me. I think that was the most in succession I have ever liked enough to show, or even to not delete immediately. Maybe I can try to blame it on the low light and the fact I wasn’t taking them. Or the great hairstyle job the gal at the salon did. Part of it too is going out on a limb a bit. It has been good to be adventurous in new ways. Not just getting it cut, disliking it and throwing it back into a ponytail again, but to show that process and risk putting myself out there and not be so uptight about me liking or disliking the results. I think it has been easier to do with things like sewing or design work, There is still several levels of separation. This is more uncomfortable because it is hitting closer to the mark of extremely personal. The discomfort exposes where I feel uncomfortable with myself, and just the realization of that is an introspectively good thing. My instinct would be to hide the things I feel aren’t good, or don’t look good, or wouldn’t be perceived as good, or to me aren’t good enough.

I get another opportunity to go out on a far different limb next week, where I will open myself up in the form of something I have worked on and created yet feel is not at a level where I have determined it is good enough to go show off. Just like my hair I would be fine leaving it in a ponytail when I go out, but instead have the opportunity to let it down, put it out there and hope I can learn from the experience. Already it has brought to light many of the fears I hang on far too strongly: Rejection. Not being successful. Not making it. People’s opinion of me. Failure. I am hoping the parallels between these two seemingly unrelated experiences will continue to push me past these hang-ups and show how ridiculous my perception of resisting putting myself out there really is. I have needed the motivation an opportunity to step out there. It will spur on change, spur on growth and push me into new areas I have previously held myself back from. Maybe I will wear my hair down for the rest of the day.

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~ by gdesign on May 7, 2008.

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