Betterment

Now we are nearing two weeks, just the realization we have been fighting sickness this long lurches me into dismay. Two weeks with very few breaks, highlights or signs illness is letting up as this flu has marched from one person to the next. Araiya, then me, now Matt. Still keeping our fingers crossed for little Tallis. By now, I am exhausted. It was That kind of flu- the real bones and muscle physical exhaustion where just lying and do nothing exhausts you further. The pulsing fever coupled with jarring chills, pulsing headache and sore joints, swollen sore throat and even deeply aching ears. Yes That flu. I feel all of life has been put on hold. I am sick of being sick; I long for change. I am feeling better, as is Araiya. Matt is spending his Veterans Day holiday in bed with a fever of 102.

I am lamenting the loss of time and my strong feelings of unrest for many areas of our life. I feel so many things have been lacking, in need of change that I have just left un-dealt with under the presumption I am just too busy. Thinks I push to the back burner or sign off under some umbrella excuse have, through this illness, built upon one another and have begun pressing me, forcing me to deal with them in some capacity. In my downtime, I have reflected on many of these things and come to the conclusion I don’t do a very good job of dealing with them permanently. Many are not new issues, they crop up again and again and I think I have gotten too much in the habit of knowing when the heat isn’t as intense, they don’t bother me as much and I am able to minimize their importance when they aren’t as pressing. That simply means I have done a good job of deceiving myself into believing they are more external than they really are. That simply means I have a propensity to laziness and hesitation to change. Now I want to clean house, I want to light and stoke a fire that spurs me on to making some real lasting concrete change now, rather than thinking certain things will be better or go away someday. Well someday isn’t going to happen without today.

This all extends to this space because, well, it is about our life. I do try to be as realistic as possible, life is not all sunshine and smiles. I think there is a balance in the portrayal, I don’t quite know if I have achieved that. I was looking back to my first post where I outlined my initial thoughts and goals for this blog. My ideas were, well, ideal. I think I thought I was more exciting than I feel now that I am. I think I thought I would be posting more. I think I thought I would be doing more. Most of all I feel there has been a bit of unrest building for a while through my lack of frequency in posting to what I feel has been a generally grumbling voice on my part. This blog has really been a project I took on for me and am not really out to garner attention to myself, it is and has remained introspective. Perhaps what is most lacking is the thing I feel plays a crucial role in the quality of the results. In general, technologies I am using (blogging, photography, css, web-based applications) allow for a greater Dynamic Range, or at least they should. Each aspect of the items listed above in parentheses is a compound process, and the broken down dynamic range of each stage must be considered. When the dynamic range of each stage work congruently and complementarily, they produce better, more realistic, higher quality results. I feel the results I would like to see here are somewhat lacking, so I must look back and make changes in the stages’ dynamic range (for a title-able term here).

As mentioned before, there are things I have set forth to change in and around me personally within the time frame of now to Christmas. Such things included range from better meal planning, my creative outlets (such as architecture and sewing), to getting in shape for ski season and fitting into my pre-pregnancy jeans). Those will be recorded and progress reflected here, as this being a medium for my own accountability in such areas. Second, is the area of the medium of recording- mainly photography, text, and blog interface. This whole sight will get a facelift by Christmas. I am ready for a change to something lighter, edgier, cleaner. I am to write more frequently on a larger variety of topics, therefore stretching myself and our activities. I also plan to take more time with the output of the photos I take. Sadly, digital photography has allowed me to take more quantity than quality, something I greatly miss from film. I want to spend more time and effort using the digital tools to do something beyond just emulate what I can do with film- I want to reach for it to become it’s own art form. Yes, I will still take plenty of pictures of my kids, but I miss taking pictures of other subjects as well. I would like to begin playing around with the HDRI realm of things to continue fulfilling one of my goals to enhance the way we see the world using emerging technologies to create images which portray things more similarly to the way that we see them in our mind’s eye, not just in regular photographs and beyond what is capable in real life. Too often I shoot, do minimal correcting, then upload a huge slew of photographs. Not that they are bad, I just know they could be better. Example here:

riya_Sick copy
DSC_5122

All I have for now, as time is pressing. This will be an ongoing discussion I hope will take a bit more of the forefront of this space for the rest of the year.

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~ by gdesign on November 12, 2007.

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